Metathesiophobia – Fear of Change

“Don’t be yourself, create yourself”

I am a shy, antisocial, introverted, stubborn girl who can’t be around people for 48 hours straight. If you tell me to “be myself,” I will be exactly that person and people will perceive me as disinterested and rude. My quiet self will be dying to go off on my own and be alone for a long time. I don’t want to be that kind of person (most of the time at least). Through these past few months, I have created myself to be better than I used to be. And sure, maybe I have created myself to be more of a stubborn loner than before, but only when I need to be. After seeing how many people have come into my life and walked out of it, I realize that I am the only person who will really be there for myself – forever. Speaking of forever, I don’t believe in it. Nothing lasts forever, especially our lives. So that’s why we should all be trying to live the life we’ve always wanted to live before it’s too late.

I look around me and see how many people think they are stuck with the boring/challenging/stressful life they are living. They don’t see that they could easily change their life by adjusting one thing in their daily routine. If you have school, or work, or whatever else you’re dealing with that you don’t enjoy, you can easily modify something to make it enjoyable. Change what you have for breakfast and it will improve your mood for the day. Maybe do something different during your lunch break and go outside to take a walk. Reorganize your thought process to motivate yourself during the day.

Just Change.

Stop with the excuses of laziness and pity. No matter what your situation is, you can do something about it to make it bearable. Please just stop whining and do something. Stop with the “I can’t do it” or the “I don’t feel like it.” Seriously? That’s a pathetic response.

changeThe reason I’m happier now than I’ve ever been is that I made a change. I created myself into a person who stands up for themselves and doesn’t take any shit that comes flying their way. No longer am I scared to say what’s on my mind or ask questions. Honestly, life is too short to keep secrets and hide things from others. There’s no point in waiting a few hours to text someone back, making them assume you’re angry or upset or something. On top of that, you don’t have to wait 5 minutes after your crush texts you to respond to avoid looking desperate. Just text the person. You never know how short life can be, so just stop waiting. Stop being scared to confront someone or confess something. Like the saying goes “the sooner the better.” If you wait to say something, more conflict will arise, and all the time you spend waiting to say it (whether that be days or even months) will only make your life more anxiety-ridden.

No longer am I hesitant to push people away and cut them out of my life. Doesn’t matter who you are, acquaintance or best friend, I’m done being kicked around, manipulated, and used. I know that some people don’t want to be mean or rude, but you can’t be the nice guy all the time or else you’ll get stepped on all your life. How do you expect people to stop abusing you if you keep letting them hurt you? “Turn the other cheek.” No. That’s a weak response. You don’t have to fight fire with fire, but stop letting them hit you repeatedly. Step away and avoid their fist. You have control over the abuse that comes your way. You really do. Stand up for yourself because other people might not care to help you.

expect-more-from-yourself-than-from-others-quote-1The only person you have is you. If other people come into the picture, that’s alright. Just hope they stay true to you. But how do you tell if they’re being true? You can’t. You just have to hope. That’s why I still have trust issues to this day; because some of the most precious people in my life have turned on me. But it’s gotten to the point that I just don’t care anymore. I’m not going to allow myself to get dragged down in those situations and their emotions and bad intentions. I just move on because I’m done with drama and pointless problems. It doesn’t hurt anymore when someone cuts me out of their life either. If you believe your life will be better without me in it, or it will be easier for you to be a better person, then please do it. I never want to hold anyone back from being the best they can.

In the heat of this post that you seem to be reading in an angry tone, keep in mind that I’m not telling you to be selfish. Simply learn to depend on yourself. It keeps pressure off others around you and strengthens your character which is the most challenging part to change of a person. I have found a lot of joy and contentment in my ability to be alone and self-dependent. I have discovered new music, inspiration for stories and art, and even met some people who have opened my eyes. Regardless of how long those people will be in my life, they have expanded my perspective and stretched out the limitations of my personal thoughts and opinions. I take all these factors and practice optimism to see that, even in my isolation, I can be the happiest person alive if I wanted to be.

Remember that your fate is not fixed. It is created. By you. You are in control.

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